First, a preface. I realize that my blog is essentially putting my heart out on the table in a way many people wouldn't do. And the fact that I have it feeding to facebook makes it seem all the more "broadcast." My intent isn't to draw attention to myself, demand pity, seek approval, or anything else. I just feel like things that are created are that much more meaningful when shared. In one of the several "ideal lives" I've pictured recently, I would like to quit my job and just become an author/songwriter/composer and somehow make a living off of it. But until then...blogging it is.
That being said, I wrote a pretty intensely emotional song the other night. What I WON'T do is go into gory details about what brought me to the point of writing this song. But in the middle of band practice for our church on Sunday afternoon, I literally looked down at my hands and started thinking about how crazy it is that they still work the way they've worked for years and are still able to make music. While my mind and my heart and even my voice feel so different for all that's gone on in recent months, my hands still seem strong. So between practice and church, I scribbled some thoughts down in my journal. And when I got home that night, it became a song. I suppose for facebook/blogging purposes, it remains more or less a poem...
Rest is near impossible, peace is all but gone
Hope lies somewhere deep but has not recently been shown
The truths that once rang clear and loud I'm straining now to hear
It seems the only easy things are sorrow, now, and fear
But still eight fingers and two thumbs go on, just as before
They strike each note, with strength and grace quite lacking in my core
Make melody, I beg, while my heart and voice still break
Make melody to Him whose mighty grasp noone can shake
Make melody, and someday soon may voice and heart join in
with power that bespeaks a mighty victory over sin
The strength that now seems only to exist in wrist and hand
I know this strength, supplied by Christ, will one day help me stand
Help me stand again and know once more with all my heart
That God's unfailing grace, which has called me from the start
will once again bring faith and joy and peace and hope and rest
And that all in me that's broken is such only for my best
And just as notes make chords and chords together make a song
So will God make something of this journey, hard and long
And each step that I have taken still has not escaped His plan
And my life will be sweet music as it's guided by His hand.
Make melody, O Lord, of these stumbling, doubting steps
Make melody, My God, as you pull me from these depths
Make melody, and someday soon I'll join a heavenly choir
as I praise the mighty Savior who's refined me through this fire
