Only by God's grace...still thankful

This has been an intensely hard week. I got word on Saturday night via email that the state of Arizona is cutting the rate at which they pay music therapy providers by 54%. Essentially, this could remove the profession from the state of Arizona, and at the very least, it would make my life immensely more challenging financially and otherwise. The rate change is scheduled to go into effect March 1st.

My week, then, has consisted of trying to keep up a normal schedule while simultaneously doing all that i can to battle for my job. Every day, I provide therapy for a handful of kids whom I treasure more and more each day and dread the strong possibility of losing. After each session, I have an intense conversation with each parent telling them of what's happening and inviting them to join our battle to lessen the cut. Every night, in addition to my usual nightly work, I email out an assortment of attachments to concerned parents, colleagues, etc. I've been crying a lot, of course, and while I feel like I have a peace beyond understanding in my heart and mind most of the time, my body doesn't quite believe me and my immune system sort of went away.

But that's not the point. The point is that God is good! I have so many things to be immensely thankful for!

1) I am not without options - my parents live nearby and are gracious and generous. Moving out of my house and back with them (a very likely happening) will be sad but a real blessing at the same time.

2) I feel like a music therapist and am still happy about it! It's been great to interact more with other music therapists in this battle. And even greater is the fact that I have no regrets about the profession that I'm in - despite having sworn 2 years ago that I would not do it in the first place. If this is the end of this chapter, it has been more than worth it.

3) I have this job NOW. Next week could be the last week. But today is today and I get to be an important part of the lives of 31 kids and their families - and make music all day long!

4) I am valued by many families. The threat of losing my services has caused parents to tell me things that are really sweet to hear about the positive impact I've had, and I've had a huge response from them in joining this battle.

5)God has sustained me. I've been functioning with heightened emotions and responsibilities and diminished health, sleep and caffeine, and I have functioned well. I've only had 1 breakdown at an inappropriate time (during the hello song in a session) and have not felt nearly as exhausted as I would have expected.

6) I DO have peace. God prepared me for this event a few weeks ago, and while that doesn't mean it isn't hard, I am able to look at it rightly and look at God rightly in it. By God's grace, I am usually only sad - not angry, and usually not anxious. And by His grace, I believe in my mind AND my heart that His ways are perfect.