Archive: July 13th, 2008

trust

Today is hard. I got the long-awaited letter from my dad on why I should not go to Romania. I've had a tearful morning full of questions and regrets and fears and prayers. Too many of the first 3 things and not enough of the 4th. Anyway, I'm working hard to shepherd my heart to trust God in all of this.
The other day, I was having a hard day, too. This was before the letter but still in the midst of other concerns about Romania, of an eagerness to be there and a feeling that that is so far off, etc. Anyway, we had just finished reading Micah in my small group. And there is a passage there in which the Lord says to the people of Israel:
"O my people, what have I done to you? How have I wearied you? Answer me! For I brought you up from the land of Egypt and redeemed you from the house of slavery, and I sent before you Moses, Aaron, and Miriam. O my people, remember..." (Micah 6:4-5a)
So I got to thinking about how what I need the most is to trust God during this time. I need to teach my heart daily that God has the very best plan, whether it's to go to Romania or to stay, or to stay and then go, or to go and then stay. He is primarily interested in my heart. This heart so longs to trust Him wholly and knows that it should. But it is hard. And it almost seems at times...well, wearisome. So in response to what I'd read in Micah, I wrote this, and now I want to share it:
How has He wearied me? In saving me from my pursuit of Hell? In empowering me with sanctifying grace? In forgiving me with finality at the Cross? In forgiving me repeatedly in my never-ceasing offenses against His perfect holiness? In giving me a heart for Romania in the first place, when I hadn't expected it? In filling my heart with joy undeserved in every interaction with Romania and all things Romanian? In giving me a life full of unmerited blessings here in Tempe, Arizona? In giving me a church body that I love and cherish? In putting me under solid teaching among like-minded believers weekly? In providing a home with other women who love Him and who love me? In giving me relationship upon relationship in which to give and receive, to care for and to be cared for, to learn, to teach, to connect? In giving me gifts and talents that are so naturally used to serve the body and to reach the hard-to-reach? In giving me His holy Word to see, to hear, to touch? In giving me passion for this life and the next? I have no reason to be wearied by Him and every reason to trust. And so in this time of not knowing, what I DO know is what is good, for He has told me! All that He requires is that I do justice, love kindness, and walk humbly with my God. (Micah 6:8)